GREASE IS THE WORD

Grease, a classic 1970s film set in a 1950s American high school (with lots of singing).When it first hit the big screen in the late 70s it was the film to see, so off we went to watch it at the local cinema.We had seen Olivia newton john or (neutron bomb) as we used to say,on Top of the Pops singing 'you're the one that i want' in those tight trousers and that was all the encouragement we needed to get us there.During the opening scenes Sandy and Danny are having fun on the beach, the waves are crashing onto the beach, in the background theres a big orchestral score going on, and then Sandy turns to Danny and says 'oh Danny, is this the end' to which a bloke in the cinema shouted out 'I bloody hope not love, its just cost me a quid to get in here'!

CAR SHAMPOO

Whilst washing my van the other day,i noticed that the car shampoo i was using was lemon scented!For whose benefit is the smell of lemons in a car shampoo for ? ours or the cars!If its for the cars benefit,who on earth thought it necessary to have the outside of a car smelling of lemons once its been washed!If theres a surplus of lemons in the world why waste them on a fragranced car shampoo, why not put them to a better use,stick some alcohol in it and bring back two dogs(alcoholic lemon flavoured drink!!).But please don't waste them on making a car shampoo.

24 HOURS FROM TULSA

The Gene Pitney song, '24 hours from Tulsa', has always baffled me.The first line,'Dearest, darling, i had to write to say that i wont be home anymore', why would he even consider writing to her,why didn't he just phone her. As a means of communicating with someone quickly,writing isn't the first thing that comes into your head,('Darling don't forget to order those tickets for the theatre tomorrow night', 'okay dear,I'll just write them a letter'!! )By the time it took him to find a pen and paper,and who can ever find an envelope and stamp when you need one, sit down and write some old rubbish about how he was only 24 hours away from her arms, but then met someone new, that letter would have taken days,maybe weeks to reach the poor girl.And what if the postmen were on strike or even worse, it had got lost in the post, for all we know, she could be still sat in Tulsa to this very day waiting for him to turn up !!!

REMEMBRANCE DAY

The Soldier, by Rupert Brooke

If i should die, think only this of me;

That there's some corner of a foreign field

That is forever England. There shall be

In that rich earth a richer dust concealed;

A dust whom England bore, shaped,made aware,

Gave, once, her flowers to love, her ways to roam,

A body of England's, breathing English air,

Washed by the rivers, blest by the suns of home.

And think,this heart, all evil shed away,

A pulse in the eternal mind, no less

Gives somewhere back the thoughts by England given;

Her sights and sounds; dreams happy as her day

And laughter, learnt of friends ;and gentleness,

In hearts at peace, under an English heaven.

Remembering all the service men and women,of this Great Britain, both past and present and all their families on this remembrance day, whose courage ,bravery and dedication are a lesson to us all.

BALL JUGGLER

The half time entertainment was your typical lower league offering of cheerleaders shaking their pom, poms and the team mascot walking round the perimeter of the pitch shaking hands with the youngsters in the crowd.Typical that is, until some young fella walked into the centre circle and started a 10 minute keepy upy, or ball juggling routine, using every part of his body apart from, obviously, his hands.He was unbelievably good, flicking the ball up in the air and catching it on his back, he had it balanced on his head, at one point he was sitting on the ground, legs outstretched still juggling, the ball just seemed to stick to his body like glue, you just couldn't take your eyes off him.Its hard to imagine the hours of practice and dedication that this young fella had invested in perfecting this skill, but obviously just by watching him you could see that all that time and effort had paid off. And after 10 minutes of juggling that was it, his routine over apart from the finale. Juggling the ball from the halfway line towards the goal,waving to the crowd and taking in the deserved applause as he went,it was obvious to everyone watching what he was going to do.So there he was 6 feet away from the goal, a final wave to the crowd, a final flick of the ball up in the air for a volley straight into the back of the net and .oh my God hes missed the goal,all 8 feet tall and 24 feet wide from 6 feet away, he was 6 feet away in the centre of the goal and he didn't just kick the ball over, he volleyed it wide of the post ! This young fella who could make the ball do whatever he wanted couldn't find the back of the net with the help of a sat nav, the line between success and failure is a thin one,and he well and truly crossed it,he would have probably fallen over it, if it was real, because whatever he had done in the previous 10 minutes was now well and truly forgotten. The crowd were briefly stunned and silent and then it started,he had the stuffing well and truly ripped out of him by all the fans in the stadium, this poor lad was now leaving the pitch, not to the applause and admiration that he rightly deserved and should have been receiving, but to laughter and taunts , as the bloke behind me at the time shouted out 'oi mate, you should have gone to specsavers' !

MOBILE PHONES

'Wait till your father gets home and hears what you've been up to'. A favourite saying years ago to instill the fear of God into you and it did, especially if it was said early enough in the day so that you had all day to worry about your dads return. Dads were used, rightly or wrongly, as a figure of discipline, someone you feared. He would normally leave for work before anyyone else was up and he wouldn't have a clue what was happening within his household until he came back through the front door again in the evening.Fast forward to the present day . The saying wait till your father gets home is no longer relevant in today's society, i can leave my house at 8 in the morning and hear my daughter having a strop,live from the comfort of my van, on my journey into work, I'm told the minute my son treads in the only piece of dog turd in the world ,not to have been picked up by the dogs owner, and walked all through my house as its actually happening ! And all thanks to the most intrusive gadget ever invented, the mobile phone ! But thank God for its invention, because thousands of Dads up and down this great land of ours now know whether its safe or not to go straight home or to the pub until the kids are safely tucked up in bed !

RUBBISH

I was trying to think of a few things that have drastically changed over the past 30 years, obviously there have been major changes of governments, political systems, etc, but i was thinking more day to day stuff like rubbish ! When i was a kid back in the 70 s, anything other than household rubbish was taken to the local landfill site or tip as it was commonly known, all you did once you was in the tip was pull up anywhere and chuck your rubbish onto the side of the road, legal fly tipping basically, where it would be collected and thrown into a large hole in the ground. Recycling isn't a new thing as many a time we used to come back from the tip with more then we took, especially if you needed a bike frame or some pram wheels for your go-cart ! Now its a day out if you go the recycling centre with a car full of different types of rubbish, there are so many different hoppers for all kinds of rubbish, and don't even think about trying to mix your clean dirt with your dirty dirt, because the friendly and oh so helpful (sarcasm) on site rubbish police will be down on you like a ton of Eco friendly manure ! Another thing that hasn't really stood the test of time are breakers yards, they're still about, but a diluted and watered down version of how they used to be.Many a Saturday afternoon was spent under the bonnet of a hillman avenger, which was balanced on top of a Morris marina, which in turn was on top of a mark 2 cortina, ratchet in one hand, hammer in the other, you couldn't hold onto anything because you needed both hands free to work, so there we were a cross between a circus balancing act and a deranged baboon. 3 cars high, up in the air trying to make a frightening jog even more frightening by trying to relieve the engine of its mountings. In todays breakers they take the parts out for you, they've got parts all cleaned up and on the shelf all ready to go, wheres the fun in that !